(Classified material leaked to Stephen Masty, and an appeal to The Imaginative Conservative readers)

My Dear Wormwood,

Extending congratulations on your recent performance award and wishing you every fiendish achievement in 2011, I have a small request. The annual dinner here at The Tempter’s Training College is but weeks away, and your magnificent Uncle Screwtape will again deliver the toast to Principal Slubgob and the College. Dr. Slubgob requested that I assemble some thoughts for his response and so I turn to you for help in recommending some of the new challenges and opportunities presented to our Lowerarchy since your uncle’s infamous address to us in 1959 (which was leaked to followers of the Enemy by some irritating pedagogue named Lewis, but of that the less said the better).

Screwtape’s remarks earned praise from Our Father Below and, as you know, the full text is now included in all training materials issued by our Lower Command—including our popular, fully-interactive DVD “The First Taste is Free,” part of the award-winning Brimstone Series prepared by our Inhuman Resources Department.

Central to your uncle’s remarks was the overarching, strategic principle that our prey is kept “hardly, if at all, in a full state of spiritual responsibility. They do not understand either the source or the real character of the prohibitions they are breaking.” On a tactical level, social conformity helps to redefine a mere political system, democracy, as a moral absolute in which no man recognises his betters and all is pulled down to the lowest common denominator (which provides us here with many tasty meals). What modern perspectives can you and your team provide us from earthside?

We do not know what new insights Screwtape may provide in his address, but this time Dr. Slubgob wants his own response to be competitive. Which individuals or events or tactics does the Enemy employ to frustrate our efforts nowadays? What new motivational tools may be of use to a modern Tempter? I await your thoughts and remain in gratitude,

Yours Satanically,

And big hugs!


Ms. Suzanne Sulfurmann-Burns

Secretary to the Principal

The Tempter’s Training College

29 Good Intentions Boulevard

Hell, 28904-98070


Note to The Imaginative Conservative readers: might you identify new threats to evildoing and modern, “proactive” (ugh) daemonic strategies—or, more likely, new approaches to old ones—that would be appropriate in Principal Slubgob’s response? Please post them here.

The original 1959 address can be found here.

Disclaimer: The Imaginative Conservative has no formal or informal relationship, financial or otherwise, with The Tempter’s Training College, Ltd. or any part of its parent company.

Stephen Masty

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