(Washington, DC)—It was revealed today that one of the Democrats’ secret impeachment witnesses—a State Department employee—will claim that President Donald Trump “arched his right eyebrow” in a threatening manner during his now-famous April 21st phone call with then-Ukrainian President-elect Volodimyr Zelenskiy.

Though the identity of the witness is not being revealed by the Democrats at this time, it has been discovered through diligent reporting that the “State Department employee” is a night custodian at the Harry S Truman Building in Washington, where the State Department is headquartered. According to ‘Billy Bob’ (as we will call him), he overheard his supervisor (we’ll call him ‘Daryl’) telling a fellow custodian about a conversation between “two important-looking guys in suits” that the daytime custodial supervisor heard about from an electrician’s helper who was making repairs to the Truman Building last summer.

“I’m telling you, it was bad,” Billy Bob told a reporter who promised him anonymity.”They say that old Trump put on quite the scowl when talking to that Lewinsky fellow.” When told the name of the Ukrainian president was “Zelenskiy,” Billy Bob said, “Right, right, right. Well, they say old Trump really arched his right eyebrow—I remember specifically they said right eyebrow—when talking about investigating Barack Obama’s son in return for a free weekend at a Trump casino. I think he had been given some phony, big-time job in a place beginning with a U… Utah, maybe?”

When asked if he had ever actually met President Trump, or had any first-hand knowledge of his April phone call with Mr. Zelenskiy , Billy Bob responded: “No, no, sir… saw him a couple times on that Apprentice show… I think on TV wrestling somebody once too. But now, Daryl don’t lie, let me tell you. Daryl don’t lie…”

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