(Washington, DC)—House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, in a fit of pique at the end of what everyone outside the mainstream media, the majority of Democratic primary voters, and the remaining communist world leaders deemed to be the most outstanding State of the Union Address ever delivered by a President of the United States, tonight tore up what she thought was a copy of the speech handed to her an hour earlier by President Donald Trump.

In fact, it was the official copy of the impeachment indictment that she and her Democratic colleagues had signed in December.

“Darn it,” Ms. Pelosi said when she was told of her mistake. “I should have known the difference. The impeachment indictment was completely clean. But I had doodled all over the president’s speech—you know, I giggled as I drew a little baby with x’s for eyes when he was talking about banning partial-birth abortion, and I cried a little inside and drew a sad face when he talked about killing poor Soleimani and Baghdadi.”

Constitutional law experts now agree that the House’s impeachment of President Trump is thus invalidated and that there is no need for the Senate to hold a vote on a verdict on Wednesday.

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