(Charleston, SC)—Democratic presidential frontrunner Bernie Sanders today announced that he would select the coronavirus as his running mate for the 2020 general election, if he indeed secures the presidential nomination.

“First of all, I said I would pick a much younger candidate, and the virus is a lot younger than I am,” Mr. Sanders said. “Second, it affects everybody equally—even billionaires can get it… dang, but I hope they all get it, as that will save a lot of money from the gulag budget. Third, it can spread misery to everyone, so it fits into the idea of shared suffering that is at the heart of socialism. And fourth, of course, it will keep the virus in the news so Trump gets blamed.”

“It’s a win-win-win-win.”

At last report, Mr. Sanders was considering the new slogan “Bern, Virus, Bern!”

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The featured image combines an image of Bernie Sanders by Jackson Lanier that is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license, with an image of the coronavirus by https: www.scientificanimations.com that is also licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license.

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