Local Luddite Puzzled by Lack of Social Media Success

By |2020-01-18T20:54:47-06:00January 18th, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(Richmond, Texas)—Local man and founder of Luddites of Southeast Texas, Thomas W. Franklin, is having trouble understanding why his efforts to promote his group on social media are meeting with little success. "I don't get it," Mr. Franklin says. "I'm putting all these posts on Facebook in the wee hours of the morning, when I'm [...]

Surprise Impeachment Witness to Claim That Trump “Arched His Eyebrow” During Ukraine Phone Call

By |2020-01-18T14:16:59-06:00January 17th, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(Washington, DC)—It was revealed today that one of the Democrats' secret impeachment witnesses—a State Department employee—will claim that President Donald Trump "arched his right eyebrow" in a threatening manner during his now-famous April 21st phone call with then-Ukrainian President-elect Volodimyr Zelenskiy. Though the identity of the witness is not being revealed by the Democrats at [...]

House Impeachment Managers Get Lost on Way to Senate

By |2020-01-16T13:42:01-06:00January 16th, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(Washington, DC)—This morning, as the seven Democratic House impeachment managers solemnly walked through the United States Capitol building on their way to the Senate to deliver the articles of impeachment against Donald Trump, they soon got lost. "I think it is this way," Intelligence Chairman Adam Schiff said to Judiciary Chairman Jerry Nadler, as Rep. [...]

Andrew Cuomo Appointed Supreme Leader of Iran

By |2020-01-16T13:20:09-06:00January 16th, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(Tehran)—In a somewhat surprising development, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo was today appointed the new Supreme Leader of Iran, replacing Sayyid Ali Hosseini Khamenei, who resigned amid domestic protests against the Iranian regime, following the revelation that it lied about shooting down a Ukrainian civilian airliner last week. As part of the deal to resign [...]

Joe Biden Found Still Sleeping at the Podium After Conclusion of Democratic Debate

By |2020-01-15T11:48:49-06:00January 15th, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(Des Moines, IA)— This morning, while cleaning up the set of last night's Democratic debate, a Drake University custodian found former Vice President Joseph R. Biden, Jr. still sleeping at his podium. "He was snoring pretty loudly, and my vacuuming didn't even seem to disturb him," said Zeke Harris, as he mopped around Mr. Biden's [...]

Liberals Who Love Hillary Clinton, Ruth Bader Ginsburg Blast Benedict XVI as “Old, Out-of-Touch Has-Been”

By |2020-01-14T11:42:27-06:00January 14th, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(The Vatican)—Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI has caused quite a stir with the publication of his new book on the importance of priestly celibacy. From the Depths of Our Hearts, written with Cardinal Robert Sarah, seems to challenge Pope Francis' presumed desire to allow married deacons in the Amazon region to be ordained as priests. The [...]

The Virtues of Satire: Letter to Maarten Van Dorp

By |2020-01-14T10:33:45-06:00January 14th, 2020|Categories: Erasmus, Satire|

Truth can seem harsh if unadorned, but with something pleasurable to recommend, it can penetrate more easily the minds of mortals. Pleasure is what catches a reader's attention and holds it when caught. Pleasure wins over all alike, unless someone is too stupid to be sensitive to the pleasures of the written word. What better [...]

CIA Reports More Killed at Soleimani Funeral Than in Drone Strike That Killed Soleimani

By |2020-01-14T00:42:03-06:00January 10th, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(Washington, D.C.)—Senior U.S. intelligence officials reported to President Trump last night that satellite images and analysis from embedded U.S. spies have revealed that more Iranians were killed in the funeral proceedings of General Qasem Soleimani than in the U.S. drone strike that actually killed the terrorist. "We consider this finding to be pretty reliable," one [...]

Queen to Abdicate to Pursue Pop-Singing Career, “Financial Independence”

By |2020-01-14T00:43:35-06:00January 10th, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(London)—Queen Elizabeth announced today that she will abdicate the throne of the United Kingdom by the end of the month in order to pursue a long-deferred career as a pop star and what she termed "financial independence." The 93-year-old monarch says she was inspired to pursue her dreams by the example of her grandson Prince [...]

Ricky Gervais to Host Next Democratic Presidential Debate

By |2020-01-14T00:37:52-06:00January 8th, 2020|Categories: Satire|

After his outstanding performance hosting the 2020 Golden Globe Awards, the Democratic National Committee has enlisted British comedian Ricky Gervais to host its next presidential debate. "We couldn't think of anyone better to host our next presidential forum," DNC chairman Tom Perez said in a press release. "Everyone is buzzing about his performance at the [...]

‘Twas the Week Before Finals

By |2020-01-14T00:52:01-06:00December 7th, 2018|Categories: Christmas, Education, Poetry, Satire|

'Twas the week before finals and all through the school All the students were panicked and losing their cool. The deadlines flew by because no one would heed The dates in the syllabus no one would read. The children were buried nose-deep in their studies While visions of failure plagued them and their buddies. But [...]

The Lost Works of Diogenes Booth, America’s First Conservative

By |2020-01-14T01:04:36-06:00April 1st, 2016|Categories: Satire|

Diogenes Booth The recent discovery of the works of previously unknown Irish-American philosopher, political essayist, actor, and musician Diogenes Booth has stunned the academic world. Among these are a brief autobiography, an extended commentary on the American Revolution, several essays on American politics during the Founding and early National periods, and even a [...]