The Editors

The Editors

About The Editors

We are the Editors of The Imaginative Conservative.

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By |2020-01-25T10:20:38-06:00January 25th, 2020|Categories: Support The Imaginative Conservative|

In an era when many Americans have lost a sense of patriotism and common purpose, The Imaginative Conservative presents a thoughtful, civil discussion about what has made America and the West great. Here we offer reasoned and reflective essays on issues of politics, economics, culture, liberal learning, written by some of the greatest minds of both the present and the [...]

Nick Sandmann Wins Free Trip From CNN to the March For Life

By |2020-01-24T23:25:36-06:00January 24th, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(Washington, DC)—Covington Catholic High School student Nick Sandmann had to save his allowance for six months to attend the March For Life in Washington last year. But this year, CNN was gracious enough to fund the trip in its entirety. "It's so nice of them," Mr. Sandmann said. "I mean, not only did they pay [...]

Bernie Sanders Reconsidering Habit of Telling Female Opponents That “A Chick Will Never Be Elected President”

By |2020-01-23T00:14:45-06:00January 22nd, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(Washington, DC)—During an interval in the impeachment hearings today, Sen. Bernie Sanders (D-VT) was seen staring into the sunset from a balcony of the Russell Senate Office Building. When questioned by a reporter as to what was on his mind, Sen. Sanders responded: "Well, you know, I've been thinking... I need to stop telling broads [...]

Bernie Sanders Found Alone, Weeping Softly, in Remote Park After Hillary Says “No One Likes Him”

By |2020-01-23T01:51:48-06:00January 22nd, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(Washington, DC)—The Senate impeachment trial of President Trump was halted today when Democratic Senators noticed that Bernie Sanders (D-VT) was missing from the Senate chambers. Some thought it was yet another long bathroom break for the 78-year-old presidential candidate, but when three hours had passed, and there was no sign of him, Capitol Hill police [...]

Canada Offers Asylum to Radicalized Refugee Couple

By |2020-01-22T08:13:12-06:00January 22nd, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(Ottawa)—Last night, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced that Canada would offer asylum to a husband-and-wife team whom British security forces have been monitoring for years. According to top British intelligence officials, the two constituted a sleeper cell—"an undetected cancer on the Royal family and body politic," as one agent put it—that had been activated [...]

Bizarro Fairy Tale: American Beauty Kisses English Prince, Turns Him Into Frog

By |2020-01-20T21:31:46-06:00January 20th, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(London)—In the category of truth-is-stranger-than-fiction, an American woman has kissed an English prince, turning him into a frog. The dark-haired beauty, Lady Meghan, married the young, handsome Prince Harry in May of 2018. The match, like those in fairy tales, seemed to be made in Heaven, with a happily-ever-after to follow. But now-Princess Meghan is [...]

Springsteen Pens Pro-Trump Song, Conservatives Suddenly Love Rocker

By |2020-01-20T12:58:19-06:00January 20th, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(Colts Neck, NJ)—Legendary American rocker Bruce Springsteen surprised fans today by releasing "Born to Trump," a song that praises President Donald J. Trump, a stunning move for the longtime liberal who campaigned for Democratic presidential candidates John Kerry, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton. Longtime conservative critics of the New Jersey-born superstar rejoiced at Mr. Springsteen's [...]

Local Luddite Puzzled by Lack of Social Media Success

By |2020-01-18T20:54:47-06:00January 18th, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(Richmond, Texas)—Local man and founder of Luddites of Southeast Texas, Thomas W. Franklin, is having trouble understanding why his efforts to promote his group on social media are meeting with little success. "I don't get it," Mr. Franklin says. "I'm putting all these posts on Facebook in the wee hours of the morning, when I'm [...]

Surprise Impeachment Witness to Claim That Trump “Arched His Eyebrow” During Ukraine Phone Call

By |2020-01-18T14:16:59-06:00January 17th, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(Washington, DC)—It was revealed today that one of the Democrats' secret impeachment witnesses—a State Department employee—will claim that President Donald Trump "arched his right eyebrow" in a threatening manner during his now-famous April 21st phone call with then-Ukrainian President-elect Volodimyr Zelenskiy. Though the identity of the witness is not being revealed by the Democrats at [...]

House Impeachment Managers Get Lost on Way to Senate

By |2020-01-16T13:42:01-06:00January 16th, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(Washington, DC)—This morning, as the seven Democratic House impeachment managers solemnly walked through the United States Capitol building on their way to the Senate to deliver the articles of impeachment against Donald Trump, they soon got lost. "I think it is this way," Intelligence Chairman Adam Schiff said to Judiciary Chairman Jerry Nadler, as Rep. [...]

Andrew Cuomo Appointed Supreme Leader of Iran

By |2020-01-16T13:20:09-06:00January 16th, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(Tehran)—In a somewhat surprising development, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo was today appointed the new Supreme Leader of Iran, replacing Sayyid Ali Hosseini Khamenei, who resigned amid domestic protests against the Iranian regime, following the revelation that it lied about shooting down a Ukrainian civilian airliner last week. As part of the deal to resign [...]

Joe Biden Found Still Sleeping at the Podium After Conclusion of Democratic Debate

By |2020-01-15T11:48:49-06:00January 15th, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(Des Moines, IA)— This morning, while cleaning up the set of last night's Democratic debate, a Drake University custodian found former Vice President Joseph R. Biden, Jr. still sleeping at his podium. "He was snoring pretty loudly, and my vacuuming didn't even seem to disturb him," said Zeke Harris, as he mopped around Mr. Biden's [...]

Liberals Who Love Hillary Clinton, Ruth Bader Ginsburg Blast Benedict XVI as “Old, Out-of-Touch Has-Been”

By |2020-01-14T11:42:27-06:00January 14th, 2020|Categories: Satire|

(The Vatican)—Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI has caused quite a stir with the publication of his new book on the importance of priestly celibacy. From the Depths of Our Hearts, written with Cardinal Robert Sarah, seems to challenge Pope Francis' presumed desire to allow married deacons in the Amazon region to be ordained as priests. The [...]