(Las Vegas, NV)—After being skewered in tonight’s debate by Elizabeth Warren for his alleged harassment of women at his companies, Democratic presidential candidate Michael R. Bloomberg immediately announced that he would end the Bloomberg Company’s Annual Women’s Swimsuit Competition, which had been mandatory for all female employees.

“Yeah, it suddenly didn’t seem like a good idea anymore,” Mr. Bloomberg said. “I mean, I’ll miss seeing all the babes at the office in the latest bathing suits. But, heck, at least we will save time hammering out all those non-disclosure agreements that we have to draw up after the contest every year. It’s always a pain in the neck.”

“Oh, and I better end those “stop-and-frisk” privileges that I grant to the senior male executives too.”

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The featured image combines an image by Matthew Kane (matthewkane) from Unsplash that was published prior to 5 June 2017 under the Creative Commons CC0 1.0 Universal Public Domain Dedication, and an image of Michael Bloomberg by Gage Skidmore that is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic license.

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