(Columbia, SC)—His presidential campaign marching into oblivion faster than a dog-faced pony soldier, Democrat Joe Biden today called his scandal-ridden son, Hunter, and asked for a job. “Hunter, it’s Dad,” reporters overheard Mr. Biden say as he pulled out a cell phone at an early-morning campaign stop. “No… no… no… it’s nothing to do with testifying in front of Congress. Son, what I think I’m going to need is a job.”

“Yeah, do you know of any work over there in Ukraine? At Burisma, or some other company? You know, I scratched your back by getting you that job in the first place, and, son of a gun but if I didn’t get them to fire that prosecutor who was breathing down your neck.”

“I’m just going to need something to do, some way to make a lot of money for little work. I’m about to have a lot of time on my hands, it looks like. I don’t want to just sit around and listen to the record player and watch VHS tapes all day. You know, a guy my age…. I thought I had this presidency thing pretty much lined up—and that’s a big money maker, as Barack will tell you—but that damn liar, Fatso Trump looks like he’s got this thing in the bag.”

“What? Uh, I don’t know about that line of work son… What? Like Clint Eastwood in The Mule? Yeah, yeah, I saw that movie, and it looked like easy work for an old guy, but he got caught in the end, remember? Yeah, I know you know guys in that business… but gee willikers.”

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The featured image combines an image of Joe Biden by Matt Johnson from Omaha, Nebraska, which is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license, with an image of Hunter Biden taken by the  Center for Strategic & International Studies, which is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported license.

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