(USA)—Satirists across the country were seen in various houses of worship over the last several days praying that floundering candidate Joe Biden remains in the Democratic presidential contest.

“Joe’s our bread-and-butter, to be sure,” Chad Nackers, editor-in-chief of The Onion said. “He’s probably been responsible for half of our web traffic since he declared for president. Without him….[sigh]…. Well, I guess we can cut some of our staff if it comes to that.”

“With other politicians, you have to be creative and put some hard thought into a piece,” commented Babylon Bee CEO Seth Dillon. “But, with good ol’ Joe, you’re basically just slapping up a picture of him looking silly, maybe sniffing some woman’s hair, and reporting what new, odd insult he hurled at an unsuspecting voter. There’s almost no work involved as a writer.”

“He’s the gift that just keeps on giving,” The Imaginative Conservative‘s own Stephen Klugewicz commented. “‘Calling that young woman a Lyin’ Dog-Faced Pony Soldier’… asking that disabled man to stand up out of his wheelchair… saying you have to be an Indian to work at Dunkin’ Donuts… the Corn Pop story… THE CORN POP STORY… wow… just wow… you just can’t make this stuff up.”

When asked whether they might simply make up for Mr. Biden’s absence if he concedes the race by focusing their satire on the remaining candidates, Mr. Dillon just shook his head slowly. “Bloomberg is just a little tin-pot dictator… nothing funny about him… he’s scary, actually. And Bernie is OK, but really a one-trick pony: the grumpy old guy in the diner. The well has run dry, so to speak, on the Lizzie Warren-Native American stuff. But Joe and that faux John Wayne-tough guy act of his…” At this point Mr. Dillon just trailed off, with a tear possibly forming in his left eye.

The three satire writers mentioned that they’ve even sought ways to work together to keep Mr. Biden’s campaign afloat, including prayer chains, car-wash fundraisers, and short, inspirational video messages: “Anything that we can do to help him… and us. I’ve got a wife and kids to feed. C’mon, Joe, hang in there!”

The Imaginative Conservative applies the principle of appreciation to the discussion of culture and politics—we approach dialogue with magnanimity rather than with mere civility. We also sometimes add a dose of humor to our journal in the great tradition of Western satirists like Erasmus of Rotterdam, John Dryden, and Jonathan Swift. Will you help us remain a refreshing oasis in the increasingly contentious arena of modern discourse? Please consider donating now.

The featured image combines a photograph of Joe Biden by Gage Skidmore that is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic license, with an image from Pixabay.

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