(London)—Queen Elizabeth announced today that she will abdicate the throne of the United Kingdom by the end of the month in order to pursue a long-deferred career as a pop star and what she termed “financial independence.”
The 93-year-old monarch says she was inspired to pursue her dreams by the example of her grandson Prince Harry and his wife Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, who recently announced that they were stepping back from their royal roles “to carve out a progressive new role within this institution.”
“I mean, why not?” the Queen blurted out when asked about her momentous decision. “I’ve been stuck in this role of fuddy-duddy for almost 70 years. You’ve all seen it in The Crown—having to deal with my crazy, partying sister, cranky old Winnie Churchill, crybaby Charles… enough is enough already!”
When asked about her duty to country and kingdom, the Queen responded, “Oh pish-posh. Duty, schmooty. It’s time for me to have a voice, to be true to myself.” The Queen cited the advanced age of other famous, still-performing rock stars like Mick Jagger and Paul McCartney when reporters wondered whether she was too old to have a singing career.
“And besides,” the Queen concluded. “Charles is ready to be king now. He’s always shown good judgment at least. I mean, he always thought Camilla was hotter than Diana.”
The Imaginative Conservative applies the principle of appreciation to the discussion of culture and politics—we approach dialogue with magnanimity rather than with mere civility. We also sometimes add a dose of humor to our journal in the great tradition of Western satirists like Erasmus of Rotterdam, John Dryden, and Jonathan Swift. Will you help us remain a refreshing oasis in the increasingly contentious arena of modern discourse? Please consider donating now.
The featured image is “Elizabeth II at the Queen’s Birthday Party (2018)”, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons and s licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.
 |
Awfully cold outside for it to be April 1.
Dear Editors, check out the small volume “The Uncommon Reader” by Alan Bennett, wherein the Queen discovers a late-life love of reading, and abdicates in order to write her own books.
It’s 74 degrees here in Houston. Thanks for the book recommendation.
Bravo!
Bravo, indeed!
Though the younger (superfluous) royals did wrong in not telling the Monarch beforehand, the Sussexes have a right to live their own lives without benefit of public funds. To insist that they live a highly restricted life with no privacy, (that they hate) is slavery, however posh. It is right to let them go. The realm is in good hands with the respectable Cambridges, after the tarnished and hopefully brief reign of Charles and his consort.