(Washington, DC)—Members of the mainstream media were shocked recently when reports from U.S. intelligence officials indicated that longtime communist KGB agents now serving at the top of the Russian government may in fact have been aiding a communist running for the presidency of the United States.

“Why, why would Russia want Bernie Sanders to win?” a stunned and confused Don Lemon cried out to the dozens of viewers who watch his CNN show [whose name we are not sure of —ed.]. “I get why they helped Trump get elected in 2016: I mean, they’re both autocratic strongmen who ignore court rulings and election results all the time, right? But what would a former KGB guy like Vladimir Putin possibly have in common with Bernie? It’s not like we’ve heard anyone in the Sanders campaign talk about putting people in gulags, or re-education camps, or anything crazy like that.”

At last report, Hillary Clinton was heard cackling in the background like a drunken jackal.

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The featured image of Bernie Sanders at an AFGE event is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

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