(Moscow)—President Vladimir Putin today hired the Iowa Democratic party to monitor the next Russian presidential election… whenever Mr. Putin deigns to hold another such event.

“We were very impressed with the Iowa Democrats’ ability to conceal a clear fraud,” said Putin advisor, Alexei Volkonsky. “It was clear that the powers-that-be didn’t want Mr. Sanders to win, and they had to stop him somehow. But what does one do at a caucus? It’s much harder to stuff the ballot box at such an event, or to have dead people vote. And believe me, we’ve tried such things. But blaming it on an app… brilliant, just brilliant. No one over 30 can understand modern technology anyway, and apps crash all the time, so this was a perfect excuse. This is exactly the kind of thing we need to ensure that Mr. Putin wins at least 99.9% of the vote next time.”

Said Kevin Geiken, executive director of the Iowa Democrats: “Why not work for Mr. Putin? After Trump and the 2016 election, it’s our turn to interfere in the Russian election.”

At last report, Mr. Geiken was also fielding phone calls from Kim Jong-Un and Raul Castro.

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The featured image combines a photograph of Vladimir Putin from the website of the President of the Russian Federation and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 4.0, and the image “Lawyers gather” by Chuckumentary which is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 .

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