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colonel gaddafiAfter the Nazis invaded Paris in 1940, a Canadian propagandist looped a film clip of Hitler lifting his knee and made it look as though Der Führer was dancing an idiotic jig. Now that America is waddling off into a protracted land war in Libya, every photo that you see of Colonel Gaddafi makes him look like a raving, tertiary-alcoholic loon (I don’t know if he drinks but the rest is plausible). But to set the record straight…

Right is Gaddafi in 1969 at the time of his coup: nicely tailored, well-barbered, tanned, rested, and ready. Unable to be seen in this photograph, the Colonel is wearing no trousers.

colonel gaddafiHere he is in middle age (left). If the uniform doesn’t quite match the standards of Savile Row, remember that his country was long occupied by, um, Italians: Berlusconi wears the same green sash over a Speedo swimsuit in what he calls his “Bunga-bunga Room.” On it is his Little Orphan Annie Decoder pin.colonel gaddafi

Here is Gaddafi (right) after applying in secret for an American Green-Card, trying to curry favour by dressing like Eddie Murphy in ‘Coming to America.’ President Reagan sent his rejection note by air-mail from a US Navy submarine. Beside Gaddafi are some of his dishy, female, ninja bodyguards: the one in blue camouflage (presumably so that she can be invisible at sea) starred earlier in an Italian soft-core porn epic (write me for the DVD). The CIA studied the figure in green to learn that Libya suffered a shortage of pantie-elastic.

colonel gaddafiThe last photo of Col. Gaddafi was taken on June 26, 2009, just after he was informed of the death of Michael Jackson. The glove is on his other hand, and on his right side he wears a Christmas card from Tony and Cherie Blair. You can see that, like Jackson, he either suffers from alopecia or had portions of his face bleached. His subsequent pop-video cover of Jackson’s “Speechless” did poorly, perhaps because it included a typical, six-hour-long speech; his version of “Bad” apparently sold more briskly, at least in Benghazi.

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5 replies to this post
  1. Stunning, Steve. I've not laughed this hard in a long, long time. My wife read it to me while I was driving through Oklahoma, and we laughed for a good ten minutes. Thank you.

  2. Marty, who do you think inspired Gaddafi to expand his fashion horizons? Rumor has that our own Bradley Birzer was the true inspiration for the Colonel's magnificent sartorial adventures. I happen to have the inside scoop on what is next for the "Father of the Middle East." He will imitate Dr. Birzer with a new mini-afro which simulates that Dr. Birzer sported in his youth. You heard it here first.

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