(Washington, DC)—During an interval in the impeachment hearings today, Sen. Bernie Sanders (D-VT) was seen staring into the sunset from a balcony of the Russell Senate Office Building. When questioned by a reporter as to what was on his mind, Sen. Sanders responded: “Well, you know, I’ve been thinking… I need to stop telling broads that they have a snowball’s chance in Hell of ever being elected president. It’s really coming back to bite me.”

“First it was that cute little squaw Lizzie Warren making a stink about it at the debate. And now, that old henpecker Hillary is getting me back for telling her the same thing privately in ’16. You would think that at least some of these blabbermouth skirts could keep their mouths shut once in a while, eh? Or just forget something a man said that ticked them off. But girls will be girls, right? I guess I just gotta tell mysef, ‘C’mon, Bernie, you gotta keep some thoughts to yourself.'”

“Hey, where are my heart meds?… whoops… didn’t mean to say that out loud. Sorry.”

Sen. Sanders then headed back to the impeachment hearings, asking a female Capitol security guard he referred to as “kitten” to escort him.

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