(Des Moines, IA)—At a town hall event last night, Democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg had a dangerous encounter with an extremely rare creature, which political scientists described as “a Pro-Life Democrat.” Long thought to be extinct—the last confirmed sighting taking sometime in the late 1980s—the creature was described as an attractive, middle-aged female, having long brown hair, bluish-green eyes, an honest face, and sharp questions.
At the event, the Pro-Life Democrat suddenly leaped up among a crowd of attendees and and grabbed the microphone. The vocalizations it made clearly rattled Mr. Buttigieg, who proceeded to dance around the being’s questions. He was able successfully to dodge the barbs unleashed by the creature and eventually escaped the room at the end of the evening without serious injury.
The Pro-Life Democrat was believed to be inflamed by concern for nearby young offspring.
“It was truly frightening,” said attendee Frieda Johnston, who was wearing a “Keep Your Hands Off My Choice” T-shirt. “I thought we had wiped out those despicable adult things a long time ago, along with their little unborn monsters. But then one springs up out of nowhere right here in what we pro-choicers consider the safest of safe spaces, a Democratic town hall… where all voices can be heard and respected.”
The vociferous pro-abortion crowd finally scared off the Pro-Life Democrat by shouting it down with catcalls and cheap slogans like “My Body My Choice” and “If You’re Against Abortion Don’t Have One.”
Mr. Buttigieg was said to have suffered only minor political bruising and was recovering this morning under the care of his pollsters, who assure him that the Pro-Life Democrat is so rare that he doesn’t have to worry about another such encounter in his lifetime.
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The featured image combines an image of Pete Buttigieg licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic license, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons, and an image courtesy of Pixabay.