(Nashua, NH)—The Republican party today filed a missing person’s report for the long-unseen “husband” of Democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg. Indeed, Chasten Buttigieg has not been seen on the campaign trail since prior to the time that Mr. Buttigieg—that is, Pete Buttigieg—announced his candidacy.

“It’s troubling,” said Ronna McDaniel, the chairman of the Republican National Committee. “We know that Mr. Buttigieg—I mean, Chasten Buttigieg—is a real person, but we have never seen him at any campaign stop with Mr. Buttigieg—that is, Pete Buttigieg. It’s typical for a spouse to appear alongside the candidate at certain times, and certainly after a victory speech, like the one Mr. Buttigieg—Pete—gave after claiming a win in Iowa. But nope… all Mr. Butti… Pete… did was mention that he was ‘happily married.’ Strangely, he didn’t follow that with ‘to Chasten’ or even “to a man.’ It’s almost like he doesn’t want Mr…. Chasten… to be seen at all.”

“It’s frankly starting to make people suspicious,” said RNC co-chairman Thomas Hicks. “I mean, suspicious of Mr. Buttigieg—Pete, that is. After all, what possible reason could there be for him not to bring his husband along on the campaign trail?”

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The featured image combines a detail from an image of Pete Buttigieg by Phil Roeder that is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license, and an  image of a silhouette by Madeleine Price Ball that is is made available under the Creative Commons CC0 1.0 Universal Public Domain Dedication.

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