(Unknown location, USA)—In a videotaped statement released today by the secretive, radical group known as the Democratic National Committee, Sen. Kamala Harris (D-CA), speaking under obvious duress from an undisclosed location, read a prepared statement endorsing onetime rival, Joe Biden, for president.

“It’s quite clear that she’s under coercion and that she doesn’t mean what she says,” said hostage behavior expert Dr. Bert Coppa. “Just a few months ago, she was insinuating that a viciously racist Joe Biden would literally have thrown the little-girl version of her under a school bus, if he could have gotten his creepy hands on her back in the 1960s. And now she’s endorsing him as someone who has quote “lived his life with great dignity” unquote. I mean, c’mon. What other motivation could an honest woman like she have for doing this?”

Dr. Coppa also pointed to the moment in the video when Sen. Harris looks nervously to the right after saying that Mr. Biden “can unify the country. Joe can do that,” as an indication that her captors were standing next to her, just off-camera, in an effort to intimate her. “Note also the brick wall of her cell behind her in the video…. and the simple black jumpsuit she has been forced to wear. The conditions she is under don’t appear to very good.”

“These situations rarely end well,” Dr. Coppa concluded,” especially when you are dealing with people as extremist and underhanded as the Democratic National Committee.”

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