(Washington, DC)—During an interval in the impeachment hearings today, Sen. Bernie Sanders (D-VT) was seen staring into the sunset from a balcony of the Russell Senate Office Building. When questioned by a reporter as to what was on his mind, Sen. Sanders responded: "Well, you know, I've been thinking... I need to stop telling broads [...]

(Washington, DC)—The Senate impeachment trial of President Trump was halted today when Democratic Senators noticed that Bernie Sanders (D-VT) was missing from the Senate chambers. Some thought it was yet another long bathroom break for the 78-year-old presidential candidate, but when three hours had passed, and there was no sign of him, Capitol Hill police [...]

(Ottawa)—Last night, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced that Canada would offer asylum to a husband-and-wife team whom British security forces have been monitoring for years. According to top British intelligence officials, the two constituted a sleeper cell—"an undetected cancer on the Royal family and body politic," as one agent put it—that had been activated [...]

(London)—In the category of truth-is-stranger-than-fiction, an American woman has kissed an English prince, turning him into a frog. The dark-haired beauty, Lady Meghan, married the young, handsome Prince Harry in May of 2018. The match, like those in fairy tales, seemed to be made in Heaven, with a happily-ever-after to follow. But now-Princess Meghan is [...]

(Richmond, Texas)—Local man and founder of Luddites of Southeast Texas, Thomas W. Franklin, is having trouble understanding why his efforts to promote his group on social media are meeting with little success. "I don't get it," Mr. Franklin says. "I'm putting all these posts on Facebook in the wee hours of the morning, when I'm [...]

(Washington, DC)—This morning, as the seven Democratic House impeachment managers solemnly walked through the United States Capitol building on their way to the Senate to deliver the articles of impeachment against Donald Trump, they soon got lost. "I think it is this way," Intelligence Chairman Adam Schiff said to Judiciary Chairman Jerry Nadler, as Rep. [...]

(Tehran)—In a somewhat surprising development, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo was today appointed the new Supreme Leader of Iran, replacing Sayyid Ali Hosseini Khamenei, who resigned amid domestic protests against the Iranian regime, following the revelation that it lied about shooting down a Ukrainian civilian airliner last week. As part of the deal to resign [...]

(Las Vegas, NV)— This morning, while cleaning up the set of last night's Democratic debate, a custodian found former Vice President Joseph R. Biden, Jr. still sleeping at his podium. "He was snoring pretty loudly, and my vacuuming didn't even seem to disturb him," said Zeke Harris, as he mopped around Mr. Biden's shoes. "Once [...]

(The Vatican)—Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI has caused quite a stir with the publication of his new book on the importance of priestly celibacy. From the Depths of Our Hearts, written with Cardinal Robert Sarah, seems to challenge Pope Francis' presumed desire to allow married deacons in the Amazon region to be ordained as priests. The [...]

(London)—On her way to the family meeting she called late last week to discuss the decision of her grandson Prince Harry and wife Meghan Markle to "step back" from their role as members of the royal family, Queen Elizabeth II was seen carrying her infamous "whuppin' stick." "This is a rarity indeed," one longtime royal [...]

(Washington, D.C.)—Senior U.S. intelligence officials reported to President Trump last night that satellite images and analysis from embedded U.S. spies have revealed that more Iranians were killed in the funeral proceedings of General Qasem Soleimani than in the U.S. drone strike that actually killed the terrorist. "We consider this finding to be pretty reliable," one [...]

(London)—Queen Elizabeth announced today that she will abdicate the throne of the United Kingdom by the end of the month in order to pursue a long-deferred career as a pop star and what she termed "financial independence." The 93-year-old monarch says she was inspired to pursue her dreams by the example of her grandson Prince [...]

After his outstanding performance hosting the 2020 Golden Globe Awards, the Democratic National Committee has enlisted British comedian Ricky Gervais to host its next presidential debate. "We couldn't think of anyone better to host our next presidential forum," DNC chairman Tom Perez said in a press release. "Everyone is buzzing about his performance at the [...]